For as long as I can remember, companies in the fitness industry have been promising to deliver the holy grail; the body we have always desired (the one created in someone else’s image, by the way). The grail may be a new method that promises to tone and sculpt a body part, a pill that guarantees weight loss without ever leaving the couch or changing your diet (that is still one of the funniest things I have ever heard), or a new ‘workout’ class; you know, the one that everyone is doing. Good marketing companies are exceptional at fleecing the uninformed.
One of the things I learned early in my life was that if something sounds too good to be true, well, it probably is. My parents pontificated that lesson. Over time, I no longer accepted claims at face value. I stopped believing the alleged subject matter experts and started asking questions and researching things on my own. Why? Well, I absolutely hate feeling like a complete moron and I want to make informed decisions. With more information, if I still choose to believe something that is not true, well then I deserve the ‘Idiot’ label. Those who know me well are keenly aware I typically question everything.
I really do not know much in the big picture. I have dabbled a little bit in the whole exercise thing, but I believe that I may know enough that I can speak on the subject when I want. Two decades ago, I was not as informed as I am today. To be honest, I was guilty of arguing with my trainer about the caloric expenditure reading on cardio equipment in 2002. When I began studying for certifications a couple years later, I humbly apologized for my indignation. In fact, those calorie counters are a big fat lie, and while that makes sense to me now, my naivety led me to believe that it was true. After all, those people wouldn’t lie about how many calories I burn, right? Of course, they would; these are the same people claiming the Thighmaster will make my thighs thinner.
Where am I going here? Well, insomnia was winning earlier this week, so I turned on the TV in the very early morning hours. Behold, Jeeves! The grail, the Arc, the secret! At long last, the product that will deliver us all; Squat Magic. I gaped at the screen as I could feel the blood now coursing through my veins. As I watched and turned up the volume, something I still deeply regret. I posted the segment to Facebook with a comment that it should be illegal to sell this stuff; all of it.
I have held my tongue for a very long time. You can thank the extortionists marketing the Squat Magic for me reaching the end of my rope. I am simply apoplectic. My colleagues and peers actually have integrity, and for that, I am grateful. It is this kind of product that undermines the science and the truth. ENOUGH!
I am going to say this one time. The Thighmaster, Shakeweight, and the myriad of other pieces of exercise equipment claiming to be the solution are crap. The Squat Magic is crap. Not one of these modalities do anything they claim. Each of these is brought to market by marketing companies that spend a ridiculous amount of money to lie to all of you because they know you will buy. Please just stop. I am not going to break down each modality for you in this article. If you want to actually start listening, please go retain a qualified individual, such as a NSCA or ACSM professional, to explain the science in laymen’s terms. You can even go to the library to research the Exercise Science books; go back to school for an education in Kinesiology, but do not continue to take the alleged expertise of an actor (yes, actor).
Not only does this company have you believing the magical claims, they also flash across the screen the words “dual certified celebrity trainer” to support this blasphemy. Guess what my friends; he isn’t a trainer of a thing, but he did play one on TV. He is an actor. His IMBD profile with reference to the work in which he has appeared. Wake up! “Well, ‘so and so’ said so, and he’s on TV; you’re not. Clearly he is successful to get to TV so he must know.” Um, well, for those not willing to do some homework in order to make truly informed decisions vs nonsense, then good luck to you. Eject. Don’t blast it all over social media later when the latest fad failed. For the most part, I blame the companies but at some point, buyer beware. Wake up and smell the crap. Own your part of the ignorance.
Anyway, the other night, I am staring at the ‘unicorn.’ Here is the device that is going to give me the shapely ass of my dreams; tone and sculpt my gluteus (This is literally nails on the chalkboard for me). Not only was my butt going to be amazing, my form while performing the squat would be immediately perfected.... (insert colorful commentary here). My blood pressure must have reached an all-time high that night, just as I can feel it rising as I write. I would like to destroy the construct of this product; however, I live by a set of rules. Yes, many are Gibbs’ rules. My rule number #10, ‘Never argue with an idiot; they drag you to their level and then beat you with experience.’ Rather than ripping every claim to shreds, I am going to provide some science based in research and evidence.
What does this all mean? Put the brownies down, lift heavy stuff, push out of your comfort zone, and nothing changes overnight. More importantly, find an activity you like to do. Research has proven we are more likely to achieve our goals and make new habits when we are enjoying the work (yes, this can be done). If you want the holy grail, do the work. If it sounds too good to be true…
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